The Mis-Adventures of the aSure Shot.
by Alan Smithee
Summary: Nothing really changed from the first part of the fanscript that has reached the biggest audience to date (GO ME!), but I needed to try and get it read in order. Review these parts!
1. Default Chapter Title

DC Super-Heroes fanscript series: " Scenes from the DC Universe: Episode One: The Mis-Adventures of the Sure Shot."   
  
Comic Episode One takes place in: Action Comics.  
Time the series would take place: 4 or so years into my run of Legion fanscripts.  
  
by Thomas Greene.  
  
Some of these characters/situations/other stuff may be the copyright of DC Comics. This isn't as needed as a warning, but the writer doesn't want to get sued by The Man.   
If you have any criticism on this work, send it to ReLect0@aol.com. If you feel the need to flame this work, I got two words for you, SUCK IT!   
Anything else? Oh, yeah. Don't do drugs. Unless it is for good reasons.Ah, screw that, Smoke crack and worship Satan.   
  
Clark Kent was feeling quite dejected. He and Lois had been married for almost 7 years now and he had still not been able to help her bear a child. If he wasn't the Last Son of Krypton, it would be a bad thing for a guy. But for him, to have to have his super-hearing pick up every story about how "Lois Lane is totally frigid", "Clark Kent needs Viagra just to wake up in the morning", and the like, well, that was just totally hard on his ego.   
  
It wasn't like they weren't trying to have kids. For the first couple of years, they were just fine focusing on their careers and keeping a family on the DL. However, eventually both of them wanted nothing more to get a "Superbaby" running around the house. They had tried virtually everything to allow this to happen. When they first started to try to have a child, the couple used their slowly increasing nest egg combined with Clark's own knowledge of his powers to have a new house constructed in the Metropolis suburbs. The building was necessary because Clark came up with the assumption that Lois could have his child if they had a house built without lights and with the windows specially made out of ruby-quartz to filter the sun's rays in as red. However, this proved to be counting their chickens before they hatched, as they couldn't find a way to work it.  
  
Clark was at the near end of his rope. He had absolutely no way to know if he even could produce a scion to his throne. Doctors had run tests on Lois and found that she was totally fertile, but he couldn't find a doctor who could be trusted enough with the fact that he was Superman to produce the tests to see if his sperm could even fertilize an Earth female. This problem eventually landed him in work-related troubles. For example, whenever he was scheduled to write an article on how teenage pregnancies in Metropolis were rising, he couldn't even keep his composure on long enough to write the goddamned thing. It was clear that he needed to get some help from his "circle of friends."  
  
"Wayne Enterprises. Bruce speaking."  
"Hey, Bruce, it's me, Clark."  
"Clark! WASSSUP!"  
"Well, I'm in a quandary."  
"What's the problem?"  
"Well, I know I can trust you with anything, right?"  
"Hell, yeah. I keep your big secret quiet, right?"  
"Yeah. Between guys, I can't knock Lois up."  
"Excuse me for a second." Bruce left his seat and went to his nearby washroom.  
"BWAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!"  
Bruce went back to his seat.  
"That's terrible. What do you need?"  
"You have some doctors on your payroll, right?"  
"Of course I do. Only the best for my employees."  
"I need you to book me an appointment with one of your doctors UNDER the condition that there is complete confidentiality about my identity."  
"Of course. Would there be any other way?"  
"Thanks, man. I'll catch ya."  
"See ya, man."  
Bruce hung up the phone and snickered to himself. "Honestly. The most powerful superhero in the world, and he can't knock up his wife. Sometimes I like having no real powers."  
  
The next day, Clark went over to the editor's office. "Hey, Perry?"  
"Yeah, Clark?"   
"Me and Lois need to take Friday off."  
"What's the problem?"  
"Well, you may have heard about my...little problem..."  
"Oh, yeah. The whole inability to come through in the 'clutch.'"  
"Yeah, that. Well, I've got an appoinment down in Gotham with a specialist. If all goes well, me and Lois are planning to take the weekend off to have a sort of 'second honeymoon', if you will. Is it cool?"  
"Fine as kine with me."  
"Thanks, Perry."  
"No problem. Here's my hopes that it's a grand slam when you hit the home run this time."  
  
That Friday, Lois and Clark headed over to the airport.  
"So, where are we going?"  
"I got us reservations up at Sunwood. It's this cozy little place affiliated with a Native American casino. If all goes well, we might need to follow their traditions and name the kid 'Sunwood Ceiling Kent.'"  
"Cool. Good luck with your appointment. Why'd you need it to be here again?"  
"It was the only way I could get complete secrecy about...you know."  
"Okay."  
The two boarded their plane. For most of the people, the flight was just a normal one. Clark kept thinking about how he would have much rather flown there himself.  
  
As soon as the plane landed, Lois and Clark went for their cabs.  
"Just head up to Sunwood. I'll be there as soon as my appointment is over."  
"I'll be 'getting ready.'"  
"Excellent."  
Clark entered the taxi and headed up to Wayne Enterprises.  
  
Clark made his way quickly to Bruce's office, where he had to handle his secretary.  
"I'd like to see Bruce Wayne."  
"I'm sorry, you need an appointment."  
"I have one right here."  
"Okay, okay. Geez, you get so uppity." The secretary buzzed Clark in.  
  
"Ah, Bruce! Long time no see!"  
"Yes, Clark. This is Dr. Kaufman, my personal doctor. I've already briefed him on the whole...problem, so he is completely aware."  
"Hello. Rest assured that it'll be forgotten by the time I leave the office."  
"Thank you."  
"Just go right this way."  
  
The testing was surprisingly easy.  
"Now, all we need is for you to give us a sperm sample. Afterwards, we will simply merge it with an egg sample and test it for its ability to work."  
Clark smiled.   
"In order to get you a good chance for this to work, we've taken the liberty to get you the tool that we call 'nudie magazines.' We hope these will be enjoyable for you."  
Clark went into the nearby bathroom.   
  
(THE FOLLOWING PART HAS BEEN CUT OUT BY THE COMMITTEE OF PEOPLE WHO THINK KIDS WILL SHOOT EACH OTHER IF THEY HEAR ABOUT SUPERMAN JERKING OFF.)  
  
Clark anxiously waited for the results of the test.  
"I have the news that you've been waiting for." Dr. Kaufman said.  
"Lay it on me, Doc."  
"Your sperm cannot merge well enough with an Earth female. The complications would be risky at best."  
"DAMMIT. Well, back to the drawing board."  
  
Meanwhile, in the 30th century, a common date between two of the members of the Legion of Substitute Heroes was going haywire.  
"Shane? What's the problem?" Cornell asked.  
"Whatever do you mean?" Boombastic replied.  
"Well, you're looking at me. Whenever we go here, you're usually too engrossed in the movie to even notice me beside you."  
"Well, Jocelyn, I've seen this movie before a couple times, so it's all old hat. Plus, that whole fact that your hair has vanished is a problem."  
"My hair's vanished? DAMMIT! I spent a lot of time on that for you!"  
"Would you like to go home? See what this is about?"  
"Let me get this straight. You're willing to leave a movie for me? It's official. You're wrapped around my little finger."  
"Well, it is an emergency, and I didn't like it too much the first time anyway...."  
The two Legionnaires quickly left and got to their speeder.  
"Quick! To the top! That way we don't have to waste time with that parking fee!"  
Within a matter of seconds, Boombastic had gotten them back to Legion HQ. Once there, they zoomed over to Brainiac 5.  
"What's the problem?" Brainiac 5 asked.  
"We were at a movie, and Jocelyn's hair vanished." Boombastic replied.  
"Oh, I see. Well, Shane, I expected this to happen. It seems that there's a chance that Superman and his wife will not be able to have a child, which would make any descendants of Superman an enemy of the timestream. As such, it is vitally important that we get someone to make sure Superman gets lucky ASAP."  
"Who'll be able to save me if they can't ?" Cornell wailed.  
"I've already taken care of it. Stefan took Steve down as soon as we saw it. Just watch, and in a couple minutes your hair should be good as new."  
  
Time Warp and Bender roamed the hallways of the Sunwood hotel.   
"Why did you have to have me come here with you?" Time Warp asked.  
"You're the only one who could get me down here." Bender replied.  
"But why me? You know that I have it for Shane."  
"Come on, man. Get over that stuff. Shane loves Jocelyn with all his heart. I chose you because I know you are also one of his closest friends and would be willing to lay it all on the line for his happiness."  
"You got that right, man."  
"That's good. Now, here come two workers. Just do as we planned and remember the character."  
The two workers were quickly pulled into a hallway, beaten, and tied up.  
"I just knew there was a good reason for lagging my police brutality kit with us." Bender remarked.  
  
Clark went into the hallway of the Sunwood heavy-hearted.  
"Hi, welcome to the Sunwood hotel. My name is Lawrence, how may I help you?" Time Warp said.  
"Yes, I'd like room 420. Kent/Lane."  
"Certainly. I'll get our bellboy." Time Warp pressed the button to call for someone.  
"Hi, my name's Arthur Fonzarelli. I'll be getting your bags." Bender replied.  
"Thank you, but I can handle them myself."  
"Well, I got nothing to do, so I'll just accompany you. No tip necessary."  
"That's good."  
  
"Arthur" and Clark went up to the room.  
"So, what do you do, Mr...?"  
"Kent. I work with the Daily Planet."  
"That sounds like a sweet job. I could do that."  
"Well, I have it on good authority we have some positions in the mail room opening. I could put a good word in for you."  
"Excellent. Well, here's your room. I'll see you later." Bender saw Clark in, slowly drank a nice hot cup of tea, and left.  
"So, how was the appointment?" Lois replied.  
"It was a failure. No luck."  
"Well, then. I'm all ready, so I guess we're going to have to just celebrate not being shackled with kids, aren't we?"  
Clark adjusted his fly and said "I guess."  
  
(THE FOLLOWING SCENE HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THAT SAME GROUP OF PEOPLE, BUT ONLY BECAUSE KIDS STILL SHOOT EACH OTHER IF THEY HEAR ABOUT SUPERMAN FUCKING. HOWEVER, TO SATE THOSE PEOPLE WHO WERE EXPECTING MORE ACTION, WE BRING YOU TO A DIFFERENT SEX SCENE THAT JUST ENDED.)  
  
Meanwhile, back in the 30th century:  
  
"That was sprocking amazing. If I end up erased tomorrow, that's a memory I hope we both find some way to enjoy!" Cornell exclaimed.  
"Um, Jocelyn..." Boombastic said.  
"What, Shane? We could never see each other again after tonight! You wouldn't even remember that I existed! If that's going to happen, I just want you to know how much I..."  
"Your hair's back."  
"WOO HOO! GOOD SHOW, GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT GRANDDAD!"  
  
Meanwhile, back in the twentieth century:  
"Perry?"  
"Yes, Lois?"  
"I'm going to need to take some leave very quickly. Like, effective today."  
"What's the matter? Still trying? I heard the report. Clark's shooting blanks.Where is he today, anyway?"  
"Actually, I need it because I skipped. Clark's still home doing backflips."  
"Oh. Good show."  
  
Clark was jubilant. He was free from that monkey on his back. He took his street clothes off and just flew around for the day. He saw all the great sights in the world, the wonders, the silent beauty, everything.  
This place he adopted was a nice world, and now he'd be able to have a part in someone's experience of it.  
  
END OF EPISODE ONE. 


	2. Default Chapter Title

DC Super-Heroes fanscript series: " Scenes from the DC Universe: Episode One: The DC Super-Heroes fanscript series: " Scenes from the DC Universe: Episode Two: The Mis-Adventures of the World's Finest."   
  
Comic Episode Two takes place in: Either a "World's Finest" one-shot the week after the comic featuring "Episode One's" story or the Batman book released after said story.  
Time the "episode" would take place: Almost immediately after "Episode One.  
  
by Thomas Greene.  
  
Some of these characters/situations/other stuff may be the copyright of DC Comics. This isn't as needed as a warning, but the writer doesn't want to get sued by The Man.   
If you have any criticism on this work, send it to ReLect0@aol.com. If you feel the need to flame this work, I got two words for you, SUCK IT!   
Anything else? Oh, yeah. Don't do drugs. Unless it is for good reasons.Ah, screw that, Smoke crack and worship Satan.   
  
Lois Lane had been almost jubilant for the past few days. She had finally been able to procreate with her husband Clark, despite the doctor saying that he couldn't safely do so. She didn't care about that, or about the fact that she would have to spend the time of her pregnancy in a modified form of darkroom. All she cared about was the fact that she'd be a mommy with the man she loved.  
  
"I don't like this as much as you don't", Clark said, "but it's the safest thing we could do. We don't want to risk something happening like say, you going to get a tan and the baby bursting through you." It was hard for both of them to say goodbye, knowing they wouldn't really see each other for around nine months.   
  
"I can't believe it." Clark thought. "I'm getting what I want, but I have to put my love in a glorified box for a good period of time. I need some good action to get me going."  
Just then, almost as part of a bad plot hole, Clark got a phone call.  
"WASSUP!" the voice on the other end yelled.Clark recognized it immediately.  
"Dammit, Bruce, that phrase is SO last month."  
"Well, that's not the point."  
"What is it?  
"There's some danger running through Gotham. My "friend" needs your "friend's" help."  
"Oh, I see. My "friend" will be right there." Clark was fired up. He had something to do. In an instant, he ripped his street clothes off and took to the air. Unfortunately, a little sunlight got into the house, and went through the cracks of the "darkroom's door...  
  
"What's the big problem, man?" Superman asked.  
"We have a problem that is bigger than any we have ever faced." Batman replied.  
"Where?"  
"Two large gangs of nameless street thugs like in sidescrolling video games have joined forces to try and kick our ass."  
Superman remained stoic.   
Superman started laughing.  
"THAT'S IT? THAT'S THE BIG PROBLEM? I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS! YOU COULD KICK THEIR ASSES WITHOUT BREAKING A SWEAT!"  
"Hey, I had some ulterior motives to this. Come on, we'll beat them up and shoot the shit."  
  
The two heroes swooped down toward the fray. Instantly, half of the people fainted from fright. The heroes proceeded to beat the others up 5 or 6 at a time. Within minutes, the entirety of both gangs were defeated.  
"We beat them." Batman said.  
"Yep." Superman replied.  
"You wanna go get something to drink?"  
  
(WARNING: THE FOLLOWING SCENE HAS BEEN WATERED DOWN BY THE COMIC BOOK FANS OF THE CHRISTIAN RIGHT.)   
  
The two headed over to a local (JUICE) bar. They went over to the (SERVER.)   
"What'll it be?"   
"I'll take one of your (JUICES.) Any brand will do." Batman replied.  
"I'll go with one of the (SMOOTHIES), let's see. The Midnight Train to Georgia looks pretty good right now." Superman replied.  
The (SERVER) quickly went to get them. The two heroes started talking.  
"I really hate fighting these minor criminals."Superman said.  
"Why? Is it a little too tame for you?" Batman asked.  
"No, that's not it. It's just that I'm a little too powerful for them."  
"What's the problem there?"  
"Those people were just mortals, man. A lot of them were just kids. They didn't want to kill me, they just wanted to get some peace. Now we fought them, and many will probably nurse major injuries."  
"It's part of the game, man. One day you'll meet up with one of those guys who'll stop at nothing to defeat you. What'll you do then?"  
"I'll just cross that bridge when I come to it, I guess."  
The (SERVER) brought Superman's (SMOOTHIE) over. It was a larger (SMOOTHIE) made with a mint (ICE TEA) splashed with peach (NECTAR) and liberal amounts of Night Train (BRAND JUICE.) He then got Batman a Budweiser (JUICE.)  
  
The two began to get more engrossed in typical conversation.  
"So, how have you been doing?" Superman asked.  
"You know. The usual. What's up with you?" Batman replied.  
"I knocked her up."   
"WHOA. That is fricking good. She still upright?"  
"Not really. Just another problem with that whole "Krypton Curse."  
"Ah, yes. 'More powerful than a locomotive, faster than a speeding bullet...'"  
"Well, it doesn't matter. Hey, do you want to come over and see how we're trying to keep it as safe as possible?"  
"Sure."  
The two changed clothes and went to Wayne's private jet.   
"Welcome to Wayne Force One. Our in-flight movie is The Blair Witch Project..." The auto-pilot blasted.  
"Why can't you pick out a good movie on this plane?"  
"Sorry."  
  
The two went into Clark's house.  
"So, how are you keeping this in check?"  
"You know. A switch of the windows, a darkroom as the basement, it's sound as a pound."  
Suddenly, they heard a scream.  
"What is that?" They both asked. Clark ran to the "darkroom."  
"What is it?" he asked.  
"It's time." Lois replied.  
"Oh, crap. Some yellow sunlight must have gotten in. I'll get you to the hospital."  
Clark picked Lois up quickly and got her into Bruce's plane. They quickly flew to the local hospital.  
  
"We have a problem here.My wife's going into labor." Clark said.  
"Labor? But she's only been pregnant a couple of days," the doctor said.  
"Would you believe we used First Response?"  
"Okay, right this way."   
Bruce and Clark tried to keep Lois calm.  
"Come on, honey, breathe..."  
"YOU TRY BREATHING WHEN YOU'RE PASSING SOMETHING LIKE THIS!"  
"Come on, Lois. You've just got to calm down..."  
"OH, BIG TALK COMING FROM A GUY WHO NEVER HAD A STEADY GIRLFRIEND AND HAS LIVED FOR THE PAST 60-ODD YEARS WITH ONLY HIS 'YOUTHFUL WARD IN TIGHTS!'"  
"For the last time, it's nothing like that!"  
"Come on, you know you're just delirious..."  
"OH, SURE! TRY AND DO THIS! YOU AREN'T EVEN MANLY ENOUGH TO GO AROUND IN SOMETHING THAT ISN'T BLUE PANTYHOSE AND LITTLE RED SMUGGLERS!"  
"It's almost out. Just a little more..."  
Within a few moments, a Superbaby was unleashed on the world.  
  
After the birth, Bruce and Clark went out to go get a coffee.  
"So, how does that feel?" Bruce asked.  
"Not half bad."Clark replied.  
"Listen, I'm just glad I could see that."  
"Well, it's all good. Listen, man. You've done a lot for us, how would you like to enter an arrangement?"  
"You mean, like a godparent? Sure."  
"Well, this one is slightly different. I think that the future criminals will be much more powerful. Therefore, I think we should arrange a marriage."  
"What? That's way old school."  
"Don't worry. It won't be immediate. Instead, I plan to use our long-past descendants."  
"How long are you saying?"  
"I'm talking around oh, say, 1000 years?"  
"Seems pretty cool. But what if they're the same gender?"  
"If that happens, we don't hold them to it. Simple."  
"But what if someone else wants one of them?"  
"Well, we'd need to see if they can handle the criminals of the 30th century. Therefore, if they want one of them, they have to come back here and fight us."  
"How do you know they could come back here?"  
"Those kids in the Legion managed to come back here a few years back. Of course any suitor could."  
"Well, I guess it's settled then. To our descendants' future."  
  
Meanwhile, in the 30th century:  
  
"MAIL'S HERE!"  
The Legionnaires all crowded towards the mail carriage droid to see if their families had sent them something.  
"Ooh, a big package! My parents obviously remembered my birthday. I wonder what it is!" Cornell exclaimed. She ripped off the tape and saw a wedding dress.  
"DAMN! I haven't even met them yet and they're already pressuring us!" Boombastic said.  
"There's a note. "Dear Jocelyn, on this, the 18th anniversary of the day of your birth, we are pleased to announce that the arranged marriage between you and Tim Wayne as set in the year 2003 will go about without a hitch..."  
"WHAT THE FUCK?"  
"I cannot believe this. That was made so long ago, who'd have thunk that they'd hold me to it?"  
"I don't know, but can you get out of it?"  
"The only way is to go back to the 20th century and defeat Superman and Batman in battle. I think it's nigh impossible."  
"Well, I always love doing the impossible. Why else do you think I frequent Milliways?"  
  
END EPISODE TWO.   



	3. Default Chapter Title

DC Super-Heroes fanscript series: " Scenes from the DC Universe: Episode Three: The Misadventures of the Determined."  
  
Comic Episode Three takes place in: Legion of Super-Heroes.  
  
Time the "episode" would take place: Almost immediately after "Episode Two."  
  
by Thomas Greene.  
  
Some of these characters/situations/other stuff may be the copyright of DC Comics. This isn't as needed as a warning, but the writer doesn't want to get sued by The Man.   
If you have any criticism on this work, send it to ReLect0@aol.com. If you feel the need to flame this work, I got two words for you, SUCK IT!   
Anything else? Oh, yeah. Don't do drugs. Unless it is for good reasons.Ah, screw that, Smoke crack and worship Satan.   
  
While the news that just crossed the ears of Shane Matzner isn't the worst news that a guy his age could hear, it made his top 1000 list easily. He quickly needed to get out of there.  
"Whereya goin, Shane-O?," his friend Dave asked.  
"Um, I'm gonna play some WWF Gladiolus."  
"Whoa. Need a second player?"  
"Um, I only have one controller. I'll catch you later."  
"S'cool."  
He quickly made his way through the rush of Legionnaires, carryers-on, and tour guides to get to his disused room. He tried to watch some TV to get his mind off this news.  
"Our top story tonight on ABCBS news: trillionaire industrialist heir Tim Wayne..."  
*click*  
"Welcome to UPNBC Nightly News. Tonight's top story, famed Legionnaire Jocelyn Kent..."  
*click*  
"WELCOME TO THE DAILY SHOW! Tonight's top story, Legion of Super-Heroes deputy leader Boombastic, that is SHANE MATZNER, folks, that is spelled S-h-a-n-e-space-M-a-t-z-n-e-r, is dropped by his..."  
*click off*  
"This is why I hate fame...", he thought. He proceeded to lay back and cry himself to sleep.  
However, around 11 that night...  
"We here at TabloidNet TV have insider info about famed Legionnaire Shane Matzner crying like a little bitch with a skinned knee..."  
  
Back with the crowd, Jocelyn Kent wasn't taking it too well either. The girl had always expected that this day would come after having heard her parents talk about it so often when she was a kid. She knew Tim from virtually the day she was born. It was due to this that she knew for a fact that he was a pompous, spoiled, idiotic, belligerent, skanky, top-floor trailer trash asshole. From the day that he pushed her off of the top of his house and their parents allegedly claimed it was because he "liked her", to the time that they started fourth grade and he introduced her as "my number one ho", to the time in seventh grade when he forced her to give him oral sex under the threat of opening a lead box filled with Kryptonite, she just knew she couldn't be with him.  
  
This feeling led her to believe that her lineage didn't allow her to have true love. She knew she was destined for one guy, but she couldn't be with him. She had absolutely no idea of where she could find her own happiness. Eventually, this led her away from home and over to a try-out for the Super World Officers, where she quickly jumped up their ranks. This rise was so meteoric that within one month of her joining, she was given the opportunity to try out for the Legion of Substitute Heroes. There, she met up with their (then-new) leader Shane Matzner, a person who she had found out the day before her try-out that she had replaced on their ranks.  
  
Within a couple of weeks, it seemed that Shane had taken her under his wing, showing her everything that he could possibly do, always watching her back in the big fights, just basically acting like a real guy. It didn't take too long before she had begun to develop feelings for him. At first, she just thought that she was reflecting the same thoughts of respect that he had shown to her. However, within weeks, it was becoming more and more apparent that she truly loved him. Eventually, it became almost solidified when a crazed former Sub shot her and Shane revealed that he had loved her for just as long as she had. Within weeks, she was beginning to be happy again. And now her parents were thrusting him away from the only man she'd ever loved for the only man she'd ever truly hated?  
"That boy had Better have one hell of a plan to get out of this...", she thought.  
  
"So, dudes, how am I supposed to do this?" Boombastic asked.  
"You just take your piece, inhale, and just go to town, man! Just like all of the other times!" his old friend Stefan James replied. Stefan, as we have established, was just a typical buddy of his who just happened to be able to transport people through time at will.  
"Sorry, but I'm too depressed to get stoned, man. I mean, how would you feel if the first person that you loved was going toward another?"  
"Dude, I've known that feeling since the day you met that chick."  
"Well, yeah, but this is entirely different! You never stood a chance with me! I actually was with her, man!"  
"Okay. Well, what are you going to do? You have to fight and beat both Superman and Batman to negate the arrangement."  
"Then, my brother, that is what I am going to do!"  
"Suicidal much?"  
"Don't worry. Just get our COVERT STRIKE FORCE."  
"You mean Dave and Steve?"  
"EXACTLY."  
  
Steve and Dave went into Shane's room. As we've established before, Steve Williamson is one of his old cronies who just happens to also be Bender, a guy who could alter reality to fit his every whim. Dave was David Goldberg, a guy who happened to be Momentum, a man able to defeat any one opponent and get away from any number of opponents.  
"What did you call us here for?"  
"Gentlemen, we have a mission that we need to use all of our skills for." Shane took a projector out and pointed it to some white paper.  
He took a slide and showed himself. "This, as you all know, is me: the happy-go-lucky dude who you are honored to hang out with."  
He then showed a slide of Cornell. "As you might have noticed, she plays an important part of this piece.Unfortunately, some idiotic move by parents a long way back is thrusting her into the arms of a total dick."  
He then showed some poorly drawn piece of a stick figure in a trenchcoat with a huge gun picking off people. "Now, I'm not a betting man, but this looks like the most likely way that I would be if we are unsuccessful."  
Shane turned off the projector and hit the lights.  
"Your mission, if you choose to accept it: MAKE ME SUCCESSFUL AT THIS MISSION. I picked you because you're three of my closest friends, you've watched my back for all this time, NOT LITERALLY, STEFAN!, and most importantly, you are willing to do it for only 20 creds each."  
  
"But how do we do this?" Dave asked.  
"It is the duty of the team's leader to know the score. During Operation: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow?, our friend 'Arthur' here hit it off with Clark Kent, who agreed to put a word in for him at the Daily Planet. Meanwhile, it is our knowledge of the past that stuff that SPEDS do for elementary school science fair projects is top-level science in that time. Therefore, we send 'Lawrence' and his great skill in that area down there and go to town."  
"But how do we get ourselves known to fight them?"  
Suddenly , the TV came on.  
"WELCOME TO WWF GLADIOLUS! FEATURING IN OUR MAIN EVENT, THE HEADS OF THE ROCK AND STEVE AUSTIN IN AN 'EAT ALL THE FISH FOOD' MATCH!"  
Shane smiled devilishly.  
"I think we know how we're going to bait them."  



	4. Default Chapter Title

DC Super-Heroes fanscript series: " Scenes from the DC Universe: Episode Four: The Misadventures of the Allied."  
Comic Episode Three takes place in: Superman.  
Time the "episode" would take place: Almost immediately after "Episode Three."  
  
by Thomas Greene.  
  
Some of these characters/situations/other stuff may be the copyright of DC Comics. This isn't as needed as a warning, but the writer doesn't want to get sued by The Man.   
If you have any criticism on this work, send it to ReLect0@aol.com. If you feel the need to flame this work, I got two words for you, SUCK IT!   
Anything else? Oh, yeah. Don't do drugs. Unless it is for good reasons.Ah, screw that, Smoke crack and worship Satan.   
  
The four heroes grabbed hold of Time Warp's hand and crash-landed in 21st century Metropolis.  
"Damn, how are we going to get to these places?" Bender asked.  
"I think we should use these flight rings for what they're made for..." said Momentum.  
"Sorry. We don't want anyone to know we're Legionnaires. Otherwise, Superman and Batman would trust us and not fight." Boombastic said.  
"Well, how do we get to each place?" Time Warp asked.  
"Bender, just go to the Planet office. Time Warp, take a taxi to the city limits toward Gotham and use your flight ring. We'll do the same only toward wherever the WWF offices are."  
The four seperated and headed off.  
  
Bender headed to the Daily Planet office. On his way in, he ran into Clark Kent. "Clark! What's going on?"  
"Arthur! How are you?"  
"You know, I decided to take you up on that mailroom thing. How are you?"  
"I did the deed, my man!"  
"Good show!"  
The two went up to Perry White's office, where he promptly hired Bender. He went over to the mailroom and met his co-workers.  
"What's going on? You the new worker?" one of them asked.  
"Actually, I'm a time-travelling 30th century super-hero who came down here with 3 of my buddies in an elaborate scheme for one of them to be able to be with the 30th century descendant of reporter Clark Kent. He's Superman, ya know," Bender replied.  
"So what you're saying, is that you toke up too? EXCELLENT!"  
  
Time Warp had a little bit more trouble getting to Gotham. He quickly got to the city limits, but was chastised by the taxi driver for not leaving a big enough tip.   
"You want a tip? DON'T FUCK WITH THE LEGION!" Time Warp said as he sent the driver back to the medieval period. He took the front of the car and drove to Wayne Enterprises.  
  
"Hi, I came to get an appointment with Mr.Wayne about the scientist opening.Right now, if possible."  
"Ah, yes. Right this way." The receptionist made the appointment promptly.(Hey, this is fiction.) Time Warp went into Bruce's office.  
"Hi, I came to get a job here." Time Warp said.  
"Certainly, what would you like?"  
"Top scientist, if possible."  
Bruce was completely silent.  
"You're kidding, right?"  
"No, sir. My qualifications are in that folder."  
Bruce looked at it and was shocked.  
"My god. You're amazing. You're on immediately."  
  
Momentum and Boombastic had the hardest time. Neither knew where the WWF was located, so they just flew around the area. Eventually, they saw the offices. They proceeded to go in and look for whoever they needed to see.  
"What brings you here?" the signer asked.  
"We are two young guys who want to be hugely popular WWF superstars."Momentum replied.  
"You're kidding, right?"  
"No, ma'am."   
"What are your names?"  
"My name is,um, Tommy Gunz." Boombastic replied.  
"My name is, um, David Sativa." Momentum replied.  
"Okay. Just go to this address and wait...about 1000 years!"  
The two decided to leave. On their way out, they happened to see some wrestlers they hadn't seen before. (Pick six of your least favorite wrestlers.)   
"Hey, who are you?"  
"We're superheroes from the 30th century," Momentum replied.  
"You're on crank, right?" (INSERT WRESTLER HERE) asked.  
"Let's show them."  
In a flash, the wrestlers were soundly spanked. The signer looked surprised.  
"You guys are amazing. You're on tonight."  
  
The two wrestlers were surprised to learn that two of the wrestlers were set to fight at that night's RAW over at the Hartford Civic Center for the Tag Team titles. The two went in and explained it to the standing commissioner.  
"Now, let me get this straight. You two just go into the offices and go to town?"   
"Um, yeah."  
"Kick-ass! Do you want a shot tonight?"  
Boombastic and Momentum shot a confident look at each other.  
"Of course," they said in unison.  
  
Meanwhile, in Metropolis, the day was getting to a close.  
"Hey, Art!" Clark said as he went for a nearby cab.  
"What?" asked Bender.  
"I'm heading back home. You wanna come?"  
"I'm going a different way. Say, Clark..."  
"What?"  
"If you can get to it, me and my roommate will be having a big party tonight. You know, turn on Raw, get crazy. You want in?"  
"Eh, sure. I need a night out anyway."  
  
In Gotham, the scene was playing out in a similar fashion.  
"Bruce, mind if I cut off a little early?"  
"I think you can. You've already made us beaucoup earnings for one day."  
"I need to. I'm rooming with a guy in Metropolis. You wanna come over to the place? RAW's coming on, it'll be fun!"  
"Okay. I think I will."  
"Excellent."  
  
The apartment was jumping that night. Clark, Bruce, Bender, and Time Warp had been overall drinking (JUICES) of various types and just getting rowdy. Suddenly, Commissioner Foley was cutting a promo with Edge and Christian.  
"You have SO been screwing around with our matches! These are just not good enough!" Edge whined.  
"Yeah, actually making us defend our titles? That sucks!"Christian wailed.  
"You know what, you guys? You're right. Tonight you'll have to defend your title, but it'll be against this new team. Just off the street.No experience." Mick said.  
"Well, okay."  
The commercial break started.  
"Ten to one says those two pussies SO get their asses kicked," Bender says.  
"I SO don't like those odds," Time Warp replied.  
The commercial break came back as Edge and Christian went into the ring.   
"Now, we're here. WHO are our opponents?"  
The lights went black.   
Suddenly, the song "Peppyrock" by BTK blasted through the arena. Momentum and Boombastic went toward the ring.  
"HELLO, HARTFORD! WELCOME TO YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE! I AM "D.S." AND THAT STANDS FOR "DEAD SEX-AY" DAVID SATIVA! WITH ME AS ALWAYS IS THE TIMEBOMB HIMSELF TOMMY GUNZ! AND FOR ALL OF YOU WITH FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY, WE GIVE YOU WHAT THOSE TWO WILL LOOK LIKE IN LESS THAN 5 SECONDS!"  
In an instant, Momentum and Boombastic were crying like little Catholic schoolgirls.  
The two ran into the ring and just went to town. Boombastic kept Edge distracted for as long as Momentum needed for his power...which was all of 5 seconds. When the smoke cleared, the two heroes had the belts. Boombastic took the microphone.  
"YOU KNOW, BEATING THOSE TWO LIKE THE LITTLE BITCHES THEY SO ARE WAS FUN, BUT I THINK IT'S OBVIOUS THAT, PARDON THE EXPRESSION, THEY ARE so OUT OF OUR LEAGUE."  
"YEAH, AND LOGICALLY, ALL THE OTHER TEAMS ARE TOO," Momentum added.  
"So, WHO out there can take us on? We thought about that and came up with only two answers. SUPERMAN and BATMAN. We feel we can only be challenged by those two."  
"That is why we are opening up a challenge. 4 on 4 modified elimination match. One gets beat, there's a break and the next in the team goes in. No tags. Superman, Batman, and two other heroes that they want to team with against myself, my little sidekick here, and two guys who we pick."  
The commercial break started.   
"Um, guys, I need to go get another beer and I think Clark could use one too." Bruce said. The two walked out into the kitchen.  
"You realize we're going to have to fight them, right?" Bruce asked.  
"Of course. If we don't, we'll be the two biggest pussies in superhero-dom."  
"Who'll we get to flank us?"  
"I think we should call Kyle and Flash. They could probably work it."  
"Excellent choices." The two went back in.  
"We need to leave early. We'll see you later."  
In an instant, Clark and Bruce changed into their uniforms. Superman grabbed Batman as they flew to Hartford. The two found the "offices" of Commissioner Foley as the show's main event was starting.  
"Superman? Batman? This is a total honor. Come in!"   
"We want to keep this short and sweet. We're accepting." Batman replied.  
"Accepting what?" Foley asked.  
"You heard. We watched the show. "Dead Sexy" Dave Sativa and "Timebomb" Tommy Gunz challenged us. We'll take it. We've lined up our teammates."  
"Okay,man. PPV will be you teams time. We'll follow you all through it."  
  
End Episode Four.  



	5. Default Chapter Title

Chapter Three: " Re-Immersion."  
  
"BUT YOU CAN'T QUIT! Do you really think that a guy who needs to drink tea just so he can speak Interlac, a dude who can travel through time, and a dude in a bad suit of armor can strike fear into the hearts of the bad guys?" Boombastic asked.  
"Well, no, but you have to understand. You three have a chance of joining the big squad. We have none. Therefore, when the Science Police called for us, we had to accept the charges. Now, just let us go to this. One day you three will get your call of opportunity," Brisk said. Suddenly, the phone rang. "See?"   
"Well, our code says that the LEADER answers the phone. How do we do it?" Boombastic asked.  
"Well, you're the most serious of us. You've got the Leader job. Make me proud, bro." Brisk handed his Sub belt to Boombastic. Boombastic answered the phone.  
"Wassup?"   
"Hi, is John there?" the voice on the other line asked.  
"He's resigned to go to the Science Police. I'm the leader now."   
"This is Invisible Kid, new leader of the Legion of Super-Heroes. Congratulations, who is this?"   
"Um, it's Shane."  
"Shane, you're the new Deputy Leader of the Legion."  
"KICK ASS!" Boombastic turned to Brisk. "They just made the Subs' leader Deputy leader. Just thought you'd be interested."  
"Great. It couldn't happen to a nicer guy," Brisk said. "Except me," he thought.  
"Okay. I need to talk to the big man." Boombastic picked up the phone. "Yeah, we need some people, though."  
"What's this about?"  
"Well, I doubt a three man "Legion" can work for a long period of time."  
"We've got a person who can't join the Legion due to planetary reasons. We'll send her over. We'll fax you her stats. Hasta." Invisible Kid hung up. Boombastic recieved the fax. He proceeded to read it:  
  
"________________LEGION FILE: NIGHTFALL___________  
Birthplace: Kathoon.  
Powers: X-Ray Vision, Heat Vision,Electric Vision, Magnetic Vision (alternate randomly each day between day/night and night/day.)  
  
Biography: Jamy Greyzin was roommates at boarding school with current Legionnaire Lydda Jath. Both had some typical teenybopper crush on Legionnaire Rokk Krinn. Theirs was serious enough to merit them both finalist positions on FANatic, but failed to get them a meeting with Krinn. Desperate, they tried to use some experimental power boosts in order to help them. Greyzin ended up with the ability to either have fully working X-ray vision, Electric Vision, Magnetic Vision or Heat Vision (Depending on the randomness of that day and the time of said day), but the strain of these powers on her eyes made her legally blind in the daytime. (END TRANSMISSION.)"  
  
"FINALLY! We get a female on the team!" Boombastic cried out.  
"YES! No doubt a hot mama who will enjoy our bul-ges!" Bender replied.  
"Do I have to be Den mother for this team?" Time Warp asked.  
"Um, no. We'll be good. Or at least pick out a really deserted floor of this place to double up on her." The three went to the bottom floor. Boombastic was left to greet the new member. He waited as various people went upwards for a huge blast. Finally, Nightfall arrived.  
  
"So, is this the Sub Tower?" Nightfall asked.  
"Yep." Boombastic replied.  
"Finally! It took me a while. So, are you...Rokk?"  
"Um, no. I'm Shane. You can call me Boombastic."  
"Well, you SURE look like the guy. You are dead sexy."  
"Well, thank you. I checked out your file. I think you could make a fine team member."  
"Thank you. It is an honor to be on your team, Shane."  
"Well, there are a few questions the boys wanted to know about first."  
"Shoot."  
"Okay, this first one's from Stefan, 'What size do you take?' Valor, that's a bad one."  
"Okay. I'll answer the next one no matter what."  
"Okay. Second question: 'Do you Spit or Swallow?' WHAT THE FUCK?"  
"Well, I said so. Answer is whatever you want me to do at that time."  
"WHOA. Question session over. Let's go up to meet the team." The two followed the mess to a room where Time Warp and Bender were teaming up against two unknown people in a nude Greco-Roman wrestling match.  
"Will you guys get your pants on! We've got a new member present!" Boombastic shouted. Time Warp and Bender quickly dressed and greeted Nightfall.  
"Greetings, madam. I've heard about your skills." Time Warp replied. He kissed her hand.  
"Oh. Thank you."   
"Would you like to touch my penis?" Bender replied.  
"WHAT?" Nightfall asked.  
"I am a Sex MACHINE!" Bender shouted.  
"Did you forget to give him his tea?" Boombastic asked.  
"Actually, he just drank it." Time Warp replied.  
"Oh dear. Well, play nicely with the new recruit. I'm going to get us some more people." Boombastic went over to the elevator. He quickly stopped it up. "Sparrow to Nest, come in, Nest."  
"Secret World Operations. What's up, Shane?"  
"The Sparrow needs some of your most ready birds to come to his cage."  
"Excellent. We'll send you over some."  
  
The Fearless Leader had some definite fear from this. In one fell swoop, the Legion had embarrassed one of their finest by utter defeat and then took from them the member who may have been, pound for pound, one of the finest members they had. Now that person was trying to get their quality people? What was his allegiance? "I'll show that upstart. I'll send out a team of our biggest headcases."   
  
"NOTICE TO ALL DRONES: THE LIST OF PEOPLE WHO WE DEEMED WORTHY TO GO OUT FOR MEMBERSHIP INTO THE LEGION OF SUBSTITUTE HEROES IS ON THE WALL. IF YOU ARE ON THE LIST, YOU WILL BE SENT TO SUBSTITUTE HEADQUARTERS. THAT IS ALL."  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK? I AM TEN TIMES BETTER THAN THOSE PEOPLE!," the girl thought. She had come through a few weeks ago, and had proven her skills through the battles she got a chance inside. When she heard about the Subs taking people, she thought she would finally get some major props. The second she saw her own snub, all the previous snubs in her life had come to the fore. "I am going on this tryout if it kills me."  
  
"GIVE ME ENTRANCE TO TRY OUT FOR MEMBERSHIP," she screamed at the Fearless Leader.   
"Scion? What has happened with you? You're usually so...so..."  
"So agreeable? So docile? So much of a SHEEP? That was until I realized that I'll never get any play doing it like that. I want what's coming to me."   
"I'm sorry, but you're too new. I can't afford losing you just yet."  
"Then you're going to lose me right now. I quit." The girl put her ID card on the Fearless Leader's desk and took her S.W.O. armor off. She kept the tools that she felt would be necessary and left.  
  
"Stupid idiots. Time to get what I want for myself." The girl put on a pair of magnetic gloves and a pair of magnetic boots. She then put on a bad Gremlin costume and hooked onto the cruiser going toward Sub Headquarters. "Now to just wait until we get there." The girl took out a CD player, cranked up some tunes, and just hung out. "Well, my first concern is a new code name. I doubt those jerks will let me use 'Scion' anymore. I need some sign of what it should be." The cruiser eventually had to make a quick stop due to traffic before heading airborne. The girl looked to her side and saw that the bus was right next to a city sign for the town of Cornell. "Any sign at all."  
  
The cruiser touched down at the remnants of an airport. The girl quickly hid out and tried to find a taxi. She watched as her "co-conspirators" got picked up in the finest mid-level speeder money could buy. She finally got to a taxi and told the driver to head for the nearest clothing store. The driver got her to a cheap clothing store. "That'll be 25 creds." "Oh crap," she thought. She was broke. She decided to use her skills on him. "What, this sight isn't good enough for you?" He agreed it was good, but that he needed money. She quickly passed him one of her many fake credit cards under Leland McCauley's name. "Keep it. Go buy yourself a dick that works." She quickly snuck into the clothing store and looked around. She found a number that had some strange old symbol like Superman's on it, only with a C instead of the trademark S. She considered it a sign. She quickly took her patented signal jammer and rubbed it around the outfit's anti-theft devices, then left with it.   
  
Meanwhile, the rest of their crew was ready to rock at the Sub HQ. Boombastic greeted the members at the door. "May I help you?" Kid Psycho was the first to enter. "Hey, Shane-O!"   
"What's down, Psycho?"  
"Not much. You still have your Info reader?"  
"Of course." Kid Psycho gave Boombastic a CD.  
"Well, load me up, mate!" Boombastic put it in and was greeted with loud punk music.  
" _________________S.W.O. INFO FILE__________________  
  
Psycho.  
Alias: Kid Psycho.  
Name: Bil Cone.  
  
File: Cone got his start as a typical U.K. street punk. Eventually, he got more power for his skills when he realized that he could use his inborn power of Telekinesis to help him beat people up and take their money. The first non-American teenager to join the S.W.O.   
  
Extras: Brought shame onto the S.W.O. when failed Legion initiation. EXPENDABLE.  
  
_____________________________________________________________"  
  
"Geez, that is harsh, man. No explanation or anything. Well, I'll take you in. You did bring your stuff, right?" Boombastic asked.  
"But of course."  
"Well, we can make this easier. Could you get all of the Info disks for me?"  
"Sure thing." Kid Psycho collected his teammates' info disks.   
  
"Here you go. Just pop them into the machine." Boombastic complied and got all of the information.  
  
"____________________________________________  
  
Hope.  
Aliases: None.  
Name: Mick Fouts.  
  
Fouts was descended from one of the first missions to colonize deep space. During the time from it, his great-grandfather became the famed hero 'Weight Wizard.' This man's power to control weights of anything around him gave him great fame throughout the universe. This fame became so great that his grandchildren were forced to leave their home planet and become greeters for the Mall of Rhode Island, where Fouts was born and raised.  
  
Extras: EXPENDABLE: SEE CODE 13549311246 for more.  
  
________________________________________________  
  
McKnight.  
Aliases: None.   
Name: Conor Judas.  
  
Judas was originally supposed to be an intern for the S.W.O. However, since they found that he gained skills similar to vicious super-villainess 'Charma' by using a similar concoction to hers during a chemistry class, he was quickly inducted into the regular team. His power to gain control over any sentient is quite useful to get loyalty to our cause.  
  
Extras: Since losing role as official S.W.O. Top Dawg to Boombastic, he has been increasingly abrasive. EXPENDABLE.  
  
_________________________________________________  
  
Throwback.  
Aliases: None.  
Name: Melissa Prinze.   
  
Prinze is a product from the same school on the coast of Denver that brought forth many previous Operators (SEE POWERTRIP, SCION), and was apparently in the same accident that gave all three their powers. In her case, she recieved the ability to 'boomerang' powers back to other people.   
  
Extras: Quite co-dependent on other teammates for her skills. EXPENDABLE.  
  
__________________________________________________  
  
Chillingworth.  
  
Aliases: Hearst, Kirby.  
Name: Kin Mefisto.  
  
Mefisto is the first non-Earth born humanoid to gain entrance into our team. His New God-given skills of being able to create matter will likely prove necessary for our ability to destroy our opponents.  
  
Extras: NOT WILLING TO KILL. EXPENDABLE.  
  
__________________________________________________  
  
Powertrip.  
  
Name: Kat Pre.  
  
Pre is a product from the same school on the coast of Denver that brought forth many previous Operators (SEE THROWBACK, SCION), and was apparently in the same accident that gave all three their powers. In her case, she recieved the ability to become radioactive at will.  
  
Extras: HEINOUS BITCH. EXPENDABLE.  
  
__________________________________________________"  
  
"Jolly good crowd, don't you think?" Kid Psycho asked.  
"Do you not think they gave us the ones they planned to 'eliminate' next mission?" Boombastic asked.  
"I had that thought."   
"Well, let's examine them for uniforms. I doubt a bunch of people in armor will go over well." The new members left to call floors. Boombastic turned to leave before a person yelled out "STOP."   
  
Boombastic turned around and saw the girl.  
  
Boombastic fainted. Time Warp tried to give him mouth to mouth, but Boombastic woke up quickly.  
  
"He-he-he-hello there." Boombastic said.  
"Um, hi. Is this the place for the Substitute Heroes?" the girl asked.  
"Well, I don't really know about Sub-sub, wait! I'm the Substitute Heroes! Oh, I mean the Substitute Heroes LEADER. Hi."  
"Wait a minute. Boombastic? Shut up! You passed me your ID card..."  
"When I was getting ready to come join the Legion! Yeah!"  
"Well, I made that team and just quit. I have no place else to go. I've taken the liberty of updating my Info disk. You can put it in if you'd like."  
"Well, I'd be happy to put it in, but I'll stick with this in my viewer for now." Boombastic put in the info disk.  
  
____________FREE AGENT FILE______________  
  
CORNELL.  
  
Aliases: Scion.  
Name: Jocelyn Kent.  
  
Kent is another mindless drone from the same school on the coast of Denver that brought forth many previous Operators (SEE THROWBACK, POWERTRIP). However, unlike the two who got their powers from an accident, Kent's invulnerability and ability to pass on the same come from her direct blood-line relation to Superman. Kent appears to be a great addition to our team and should be protected at all costs from finding out about other places.  
  
EXTRAS: Quit that dead-end place. Had to hitch ride to Second City on the team's cruiser, use up a counterfeit credit run, and steal a costume on the way over here. Has no place to go. Come on, John, let me in!  
  
________________________________________________"  
  
"Um, I'm not John. I'm Shane, his brother. John's on the Science Police." Boombastic said.  
"Well, I didn't know that when I was hacking it," Cornell replied.  
"Well, I think I can squeeze a spot for you. Welcome aboard."  
"ZANG!" Cornell replied. Cornell joined the team to find a floor while Boombastic went forth in a nicely done musical number that you can E-mail the author for the words to because he's too damn tired to do so right now.  
  
  



	6. Default Chapter Title

DC Super-Heroes fanscript series: " Scenes from the DC Universe: Episode Five: The Mis-Adventures of the Final Battle." Comic Episode Five takes place in: Legionnaires.  
Time the "episode" would take place: Almost immediately after "Episode Four."  
  
by Thomas Greene.  
  
Some of these characters/situations/other stuff may be the copyright of DC Comics. This isn't as needed as a warning, but the writer doesn't want to get sued by The Man.   
If you have any criticism on this work, send it to ReLect0@aol.com. If you feel the need to flame this work, I got two words for you, SUCK IT!   
Anything else? Oh, yeah. Don't do drugs. Unless it is for good reasons.Ah, screw that, Smoke crack and worship Satan.   
  
"D.S." and "Tommy Gunz" were just heading back to their car when Commissioner Foley stopped them.  
"Do you two have a last will and testament out? If so, can I have your stereo?" he asked.  
"Why would you say that?" the artist secretly known as Momentum asked.  
"I just talked with two guys who watched the show. You might know them, SUPERMAN and BATMAN..."  
"And this is a problem....why?"  
"They accept. You'll fight them at PPV."  
"WOO HOO!" the artist secretly known as Boombastic yelled.  
"Why are you guys so happy? You're going to get your asses kicked!"  
"You cannot hear the reasons, but it is my only goal to defeat Superman. End of story." "Boombastic" looked stoic.  
"Well, different strokes to move the world. Do you guys need any help?"  
"Well, yeah. We'll find the arena, all the stuff. Just let us do our thing."  
  
The two went into a room to decide the main things.  
"Now, since this is so big, we've cut all the other matches. It'll just be an apparent best-of-seven singles series between your team and theirs."  
"That's damn cool." Momentum said.  
"I know that there isn't any arena that wouldn't take this fight immediately.You guys are doomed, so we'll schedule it for where you want to fight. What's your preference?"  
"We'd prefer it to be fought in some arena that looks as close to a dank, empty warehouse as humanly possible,"Boombastic said.  
  
"Yes, this is Superman."  
"We've made the place where it'll be. We've booked the Arena of Happy Harbor, Rhode Island."  
"Okay. We've got our flankers. Do you know of The Flash and Green Lantern?"  
"They're dead men, aren't they?"  
"I'd assume so."  
  
The show snowballed from there. Every human being wanted to see this fight firsthand. The Arena of Happy Harbor sold out in a matter of seconds, and the Pay Per View had gotten a record amount of pre-orders. It was expected that at least half of the world was watching the pay-per-view.  
"So, we're actually fighting two newcomers who challenged Supes and Batman for no good reason?" The Flash asked.  
"Well, yeah. Why the hell would they want to fight those two? They're the best!" Green Lantern replied.  
"Say, I think we need to have some fun. Isn't that Steve Blackman?"   
"Um, yeah. Why?"   
"Take your ring and create a referee for just a second."  
Green Lantern created a referee as The Flash snuck up on Blackman and got a clean pinfall to get the Hardcore title.  
"DUDE!" Green Lantern exclaimed.  
  
Meanwhile, in Superman's dressing room, he had gotten a meeting that he had requested.  
"So, why are you guys doing this?" he asked.  
"It is a necessity." Momentum replied.  
"I cannot tell you why I'm doing this...yet. If we're fighting in the final battle, I will if you can guess the story by then.We're both the last on our teams, so it could be done. However, until then, all you can know is that I don't want to take your life, but I would fight to my own death to defeat you," Boombastic said.  
  
The PPV started. Commissioner Foley went into the ring.  
"WELCOME, PEOPLE OF THE WORLD! AS YOU MAY HAVE HEARD, TWO COCKY SONS-OF-BITCHES CHALLENGED EARTH'S GREATEST HEROES TO A FIGHT. DUE TO THIS, WE WILL HAVE THAT FIGHT RIGHT HERE IN HAPPY HARBOR, RHODE ISLAND..."Foley put his thumb up as the fans applauded.  
"AND WE HOPE TO SEE THOSE DUDES GET WHAT'S THEIRS!"  
  
The music started playing as Batman, Superman, Flash, and Green Lantern went out to the arena. The fans started cheering. The commissioner went up to each of them.  
"So, what's your order going to be?" he asked.  
"Batman, Flash,GL, Superman:" Batman replied.  
Suddenly, the lights went black. "Peppyrock" started blasting. The two "wrestlers" came to the ring.  
"WELCOME, HAPPY HARBOR, TO YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE! IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW, IT IS I, D.S. AND ALL THE LADIES KNOW THAT STANDS FOR "DEAD SEX-AY" DAVE SATIVA! WITH ME AS ALWAYS, THE TIMEBOMB TOMMY GUNZ!" Momentum yelled.  
"And just because we know we could kill these two, we decided to just get some mailroom boy from Metropolis and some scientist from Gotham to be our teammates!," "Timebomb" replied.  
"Arthur" and "Lawrence" came to the ring. Superman and Batman were shocked.  
Foley asked, "Well, what's your team's order?"  
"Lawrence James, D.S., Arthur Fonzarelli, Timebomb," "D.S." replied.  
The teams went to different sides as "Time Warp" and Batman went in.  
"So, you're friends with these guys?" Batman asked as they went into a grapple.  
"Um,yeah. We're down."   
The two fought for a little bit. It looked like Batman was going to teach him a lesson. "Time Warp" went over to the corner to talk with his teammates.  
"I'm going to need to unlock my power. Cover it up."  
"Okay man." Momentum ran to the back and hit the lights. During the time, Time Warp went through time and fixed it so that Bruce Wayne's parents were never killed.  
When the lights went back on, Bruce was shaken. "What am I doing here in this outfit?" During his disorientation, Time Warp jumped on him and got the pin. During the break, Time Warp used his power to re-fix history so that Bruce Wayne did have his parents killed.  
"How did he do that? I mean, Bruce has easily one of the biggest sticks up his ass whenever he's here! In addition, he'd know what he'd do before he knew!" the Flash said.  
"Well, it doesn't matter. You're up next,"Batman replied.  
  
The Flash went back to the ring. "Lawrence" was already there.The two scuffled for a short period. Within seconds, Lawrence was beaten without mercy. The Flash went back to the dressing room to hold up.  
"Now it's your turn, Dave." Time Warp said.  
"Is there going to be even a problem?" "Momentum" replied.  
He went towards the ring. Flash turned up the speed with the goal of blasting him toward nothingness. However,   
"D.S." got a strange glow to himself and instantly "seemed" to become immovable and unable to be fought. The Flash couldn't hurt him. Instantly, D.S. went at speeds even faster than the Flash and fought him. No one saw most of the fight, save for the streaks. However, when both streaks stopped, D.S. was the one standing.  
"HUH? He beat Flash? He had powers! I've just got some cool weapon! I'm doomed!" Green Lantern exclaimed.  
"What I'm more interested in is why that 'speed burst' from sharing the Speed Force like he did caused his uniform to change from blue and orange to green and yellow. I'll have to check this out," Batman replied.  
"Geez, that speed nearly burned through my costume. Now I need to change my costume back to the real one," Momentum thought. He dropped the remains of his costume into his locker, took off his Legion utility belt, and went back towards the ring.  
  
Green Lantern was still visibly shaken. "I'm going to have to stop him the best way possible, distraction."  
The two got ready to fight. "Momentum" started to glow again. Green Lantern took the opportunity to create versions of various other guys; wrestlers, thugs he'd fought, and a couple of his buddies. In an instant, the lights went off. When they came back on, D.S. was nowhere to be found.  
"Hey, where'd he go?" the referee asked.  
"Trust me man, he's not coming back."  
"The winner by default, Green Lantern."  
  
The stalk was what Batman was best at. He quietly went around the arena looking for the wrestlers' dressing rooms. He finally got some answers to and found out where "D.S." and "Timebomb" were. He made his way to the locker saying Dave Sativa. He opened it up carefully. Inside, he found the remains of his costume.  
"It's a little hot. He must have had something underneath there, and the top layer burnt off by exposure to the Speed Force. But why would he need a bottom layer? I'll need to check..."  
Immediately after picking up the costume, he cast his eyes on his tell-tale utility belt.  
"Oh, I do NOT believe this one."  
  
"Arthur" went towards the ring. Green Lantern was ready to get his ring to do the same thing. However, Arthur had a plan.  
"So, you can make...anything with your ring?"  
"Um, yeah. It's really cool."   
"You couldn't make anything."  
"Try me."  
"I dare you to make me one really nice hot cup of tea. And make it be one of the best I've ever tasted."  
Green Lantern took all of his knowledge into the fore. Within seconds, he produced a team of Smurfs who made both of them a good cup of really hot tea. Green Lantern sipped his self-assuredly. Arthur drank his a little bit quicker. In an instant, Green Lantern's tea splashed up into his eyes, blinding him. Arthur went behind him quickly and administered a German suplex. It was all down to Superman.  
  
"Batman! I've got my match in a few minutes. What do you need?" Superman asked.  
"I have what each of these people's hiding,"Batman replied  
"Oh. I think they've got something they aren't telling us."  
"All I know is that in your match with Arthur, aim your heat vision for the area near his belt. You'll get what they're hiding."  
"Thanks."  
  
Arthur was in for the scare of his life. He was facing the person he learned all about in preschool. What would he do to him? Break him in two? Use his amazing skills like "Super-Ventriloquism" or another like that on him?  
Superman came in and just started to talk with Arthur.  
"So, what's up?" Superman said.  
"Not much. " Arthur replied.  
"So, I think we're going to need to give them a match."  
"Don't hurt me too bad."  
"Don't worry."  
In an instant, Superman set his heat vision toward Arthur's shirt and pants. They quickly burned up easily, revealing Arthur's Legion uniform underneath.  
"Well, I'll be damned. Hold up one second." Superman quickly thrust himself toward "Bender" and got the pin.  
  
After that match, the "Timebomb" went towards Superman's dressing room to gloat.  
"Are you ready to lose to the Timebomb?" he asked.  
"No, but I am ready to see what the Timebomb had planned."Superman replied.  
"Whatever do you mean?"  
"I'm not dumb. I saw what went on underneath the lights. Your friend 'Lawrence' disappearing, your friend 'D.S.' doing the same. In addition, I just burned off Arthur's outfit and found this on top of a different one." Superman handed "Timebomb" his friend's Legion utility belt.  
"Now, do you mind explaining your story, Legionnaire?"   
"Okay, Supes. The main story is this. My name's Shane Matzner. Me and my friends here are 4 members in good standing of the Legion of Super-Heroes. 'Lawrence' is called Time Warp, 'D.S.' is called Momentum, your buddy Arthur is called Bender, and I am called Boombastic. We just came down here so that I could fight you and Batman."  
"But why would you do something like that?"  
Shane went quiet for a second.  
"I did it because I'm in love with your daughter."  
"Excuse me? My daughter's only a couple days old!"  
"Oh, I'm sorry. Your granddaughter."  
"Exsqueeze me? I should hope I don't have one yet!"  
Shane got his bearings. "Great-great-great-great-great granddaughter?"  
"Now you're just being silly."  
"No, just making time adjustments. As I just found out, you and Batman made a little...arrangement for your descendants in the 30th century to marry."  
"Um, yeah..."  
"It just so happens that one of the people in it is my girlfriend. On the plus side, you might be happy to know that she's a Legionnaire as well."  
"That's awesome."  
"Due to this, because we really don't want to go through with this, I had to come down here and fight you."  
"I see."  
"Now you can see why I don't want to kill you, but I'd fight to the death to defeat you. If I lose, the first girl I've ever really loved is taken away from me."  
"Okay then. I'll see you in the ring."  
  
Superman headed into the ring with his mind in a daze. How could that little jocular arrangement be made as real, and how did that guy intend to fight him?  
Suddenly, Boombastic came into the ring.  
The two squared off for a little bit. Superman tried to use some long-range attack by taking his heat vision out. Boombastic was visibly getting burned, but he walked through it just the same. He tried to punch Superman, but to no avail.  
Superman punched Boombastic a little bit harder, sending him flying to the rafters. Boombastic took that in stride, caught himself using his flight ring, and went downwards in a quadruple Senton Bomb, landing right onto Superman's shoulders. He tried to roll him up for the pin, but he couldn't take him down.  
Boombastic went airborne, hoping to get him on the ground. Superman just flew with him. Boombastic proceeded to grab his legs and go toward a piledriver position, sending them both to the mat. Boombastic was as shaken as Superman wasn't. He tried to get his bearings. Superman pummelled him immensely.   
  
Boombastic saw his only chance was to go long-range. He quickly went with the only attack that he could think of. He got his finger into a gun position. He jammed that right next to his prosthetic arm.   
"SMOKE THIS MOTHERFUCKER LIKE IT AIN'T NO THANG!"Boombastic screamed.  
In an instant, a Green Flame like no other that he had made before flew out. It was powerful enough to short the Arena scoreboard and burn most of the banners held by the Happy Harbor College Fighting Monks and the Happy Harbor Bears into cinders. However, Superman was unfazed.  
  
Superman didn't know much about people who could hurt him, but he did know enough to know when he survived unscathed what virtually any other humanoid would have perished against. He had enough of a certainty to know that this was one of those times. He saw more about how this young kid wasn't like the other nameless thugs that he faced who wanted to loot and hurt people, then emptyed all their rounds in a vain attempt to shoot him. "Heck, he can't be a bad guy, I mean he's a Legionnaire. That's the purest sign of being a do-gooder in the 30th century." He looked into the stands. He saw Lois in the stands with their child. "Lois", he thought. "What would I be capable of if I had found out early on that she was promised to some guy?" He saw all of the fans in the stands who knew Superman to be the most noble institution of good in the world, without any secrets, without any scandals to his name.   
  
He thought about all of these things and decided to do it.  
  
He fell backwards.  
  
Boombastic was visibly worried. "Dude, are you all right?" he asked.  
"Pin me." Superman replied.  
"What?"  
"I said 'Pin me', dammit! I know what that belt and that ring signify. I'm certain you're telling the truth. I can't think of anyone I'd rather have my descendant be with than a guy like you. I mean, you're willing to fight me for her, right?"  
Boombastic put his hand over him.   
"1...2...3."  
The match was over. The crowd was stunned. Boombastic had beaten the greatest super-hero of them all. Everyone left talking about the fight and how "that kid Timebomb" had just pulled off the hugest upset they've ever seen. The referee, Boombastic, and Superman knew what the real score was, but they decided to let them have that thought.   
  
Epilogue: A few days later.   
  
Clark Kent was just relaxing at home for a little break. The taste of the match had almost worn off. People were surprised he lost, but they still loved him as their hero. He was surprised when a girl showed up on his doorstep.He wasn't sure what her age was, couldn't be younger than 16, couldn't be older than 25.  
"Clark Kent? THE Clark Kent? OH MY GAWD! I am like your biggest fan!" She exclaimed.  
"How did you get my address?" He asked.  
"White Pages."  
"Um, would you like to come in?"  
"Sure." She came in.  
"Phew, now I can get this character off."  
"What character?"  
"You know. Screaming Teeny-bopper type. Actually, you won't believe it, but my name is Jocelyn Kent. I'm your great-great-great-great-great granddaughter."  
"I can believe it. So, from the 30th century, eh?" he asked.  
"Yep."  
"I heard you're a Legionnaire. Is that true?"  
"As true as possible. Thanks for that Kryptonian gene, by the by. It's saved my cute little butt more times than I know of."  
"I figured about these things. I was just talking a few days ago with this guy who said he knows you. Boom Boom, Boombox...."  
"Boombastic?"  
"Yeah, that's it. Do you know him?"  
"Just check out my flighter."  
He looked at her ring. It was just a typical one, not unlike the other ones he had seen Legionnaires wear before.  
Um, other one.  
He saw one that appeared to be modified from them. Instead of a pure cut grain, he saw notches in a language the Legionnaires had told him was "Interlac." In addition, he saw a diamond-made "S" on the top instead of the "L" that traditionally went on them.  
"Hmmm. Nice one. What does it mean? Sub? Superman?"  
"Duh! It stands for 'Shane.'"  
"Oh. I SEE."  
"I figured, you made this happen, so you'd probably want to know that we're going to be wed."  
"Sweet."  
Jocelyn left, grabbed Boombastic and Time Warp, and vanished out of sight.  
"Yep, I did that joke because I thought the criminals would need it..."Superman thought."I guess, why give them even more to worry about?"  
  
The end. 


End file.
